How your childhood may be affecting your relationship

People are often surprised to realize how much their childhood relationships seem to be playing in adulthood, especially in their marriages.

The truth is that, although you continually learn how to connect with yourself and others throughout your life, your early years are particularly powerful in shaping your general style of relating, even as an adult.

Children who feel supported and loved by their families develop a positive sense of themselves and, therefore, lead to adulthood the expectation that the important people in their lives will support and care for them. Children who did not get the constant acceptance, comfort, support and encouragement they needed often struggle in adulthood. They may feel inadequate or defective as people, and they may not feel completely comforted or supported by their relationships.

This is well illustrated in a wonderfully insightful and imaginative story published in Currents in Theology and Mission (1988). The story is something like this:

While Jack grew up in a nice family, it wasn’t perfect, which often bothered him. “Right now, Jack would hear a roar in his head; experience tension in the head and shoulders and a feeling of nausea in the stomach. He didn’t know what it was, but he did know that they showed that there was something very wrong in his family. “He called it the” sound of the Dragon. “Every time he thought of having a family of his own one day, he promised himself that He would allow dragons in his house.

Meanwhile, in a city not far away, Jill grew up in a nice family, which was not perfect.

Jack and Jill went to the same university and fell in love. Every time they spent time together, they heard the bells tinkling, a sure sign that they were made for each other. “What they didn’t know, what they couldn’t know, is that when two Dragons roar simultaneously, it sounds … like the jingle of bells!”

Finally, they married and lived happily for a couple of years … until one night, when they went to sleep, they began to hear the roar of the long-forgotten dragon. They tried to ignore it, but it persisted every night. They blamed each other for bringing a dragon to their marriage. Finally, they looked under the bed and found a single two-headed dragon!

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